Knowing You
by insidethevoid
Summary: Takes place immediately after Journey's End. Rose is angry. And confused. And sad. And in love. How does one sort those feelings?


The TARDIS dematerialized, leaving Rose Tyler on an empty beach. Again. The same vast expanse of sand brought tears that burned behind her eyes, just like the time before. Well, not exactly like the time before. No, this time there was a half-human half-Time Lord metacrisis standing next to her, holding her hand.

And it was … confusing.

"You're the Doctor."

"Yep!"

"But you're not him._ He's_ the Doctor. And he left me. The Doctor left me on a beach again."

The Doctor swallowed hard. Maybe he had somehow misread the past few minutes. Slowly, he replayed the events in his head. He'd told Rose he loved her, they kissed, and then he took her hand. He wasn't human, well not completely, but human etiquette wasn't hard to decipher so the Doctor really couldn't understand how he'd misread Rose. Still, if she didn't want him, he'd willingly comply.

The grip the Doctor had on Rose's hand lessened quite quickly as he tried to return his hand to his side. Rose, who would have none of that, pulled his hand back quickly and held on tight.

"Don't."

"But you just –"

"Please?"

He sighed. "Of course."

The Doctor squeezed her hand reassuringly.

Pulling them both out of their thoughts, Jackie's voice echoed from across the beach. "Rose, darling, let's go. We can't stay, it's freezing. I remember where there's a hotel from last time!"

Their hands stayed intertwined the entire way.

Not much changed when they got to the hotel. The Doctor looked slightly bewildered and followed Rose like a lost puppy. Then again, he didn't have much choice. Rose was still intent on trying to fuse their hands into one.

With their hotel room door shut and locked, Rose finally broke. The tears poured down her face and she fell into the Doctor's chest, making him stumble back against the wall. With their fingers still laced, he hugged her somewhat awkwardly. When Rose was satisfied he was definitely not going anywhere, she let go of his hand in favor of gripping his lapel. The Doctor took the opportunity to properly embrace her and soothingly stroke her back.

"Shh, Rose it's …"

The words 'going to be okay' died in his throat. How could he tell her that? He had no idea if anything would be okay ever again. The Doctor considered everything from Rose's perspective. It was, he supposed, incredibly difficult to be left on a beach in a parallel universe, again, by the man who was also standing next to you. All he could do was hopefully get Rose to sleep. To the Doctor's surprise, Rose allowed him to pick her up and carry her to the bed.

Rose lay on her side, tears virtually gone but her emotions still running high. Not wanting to invade whatever sense of privacy the bed could give Rose, the Doctor pulled the desk chair around to sit by her side.

"I'm sorry about what I said," Rose murmured.

"It's okay."

"I didn't mean it."

"Rose," he said seriously, "I know you well enough to know when you're lying."

She looked at the Doctor like she wanted to ask him a question, but she wasn't sure if it was okay. Or if he was the right person to ask.

"Rose, whatever it is, you can tell me."

"How can you be here when you left me?"

Her voice was so small. The Doctor's single heart ached. They were the same man but they were literally different physical beings.

"Well, because … because I'm very stupid," he offered.

She gave a small smile, just for a second, but the Doctor caught it.

"I know you must be feeling a million different things Rose," he said softly. "But I, well me but the other me, only wanted you to be happy."

"How can I be happy when he – you – the man I love is out there traveling alone and broken. Again. Because of me?"

The Doctor thought talking about this would sting him. All the talk of him being the same man but a different one. Truthfully, that part didn't bother him that much. No, he knew Rose was really trying to work everything out in her head. He expected as much. Hearing how upset she was, that's what tore at him.

"S'pose that's where I could be of some use to you?"

"So this was his plan from the moment he found out about you? Just push me off back into the parallel world!"

"No! No, Rose, of course not."

"Well what is it then!" She was getting angry now. "I spent all that time trying to find you and it's like it didn't even matter to you."

He reached for her hand.

"You know that's not true."

She gave a sigh of disbelief. He ran his free hand through his hair.

"Rose, there were two of me, and he saw an opportunity. The 'not being able to do domestic' thing was never a lie. But I _can_ do domestic for you. I can do anything for you. You will still wither and you'll still die, but so will I. I can hardly deal with the thought of it so I know he can't. He tried to give you the life he thought you deserved. A proper forever with a him that can say 'I love you' and don't think for a _second_ that if you hadn't planted yourself in the captain's chair of that TARDIS that he wouldn't have taken you with him. Every potential problem about a life with you hurt him too much, but do not ever mistake that for you being unimportant to him. He'd never say it, but he loves you."

The Doctor finished choking back a tear. He was sitting in a chair, holding Rose Tyler's hand. And yet he, the Doctor, Last of the Time Lords, was also travelling in another universe, alone. Blimey, that was a lot.

Rose couldn't quite form a response to him. Not just yet.

The Doctor was thinking over just how honest his words had been. Perhaps, in this universe, he could be the brave one. In their former life, Rose had been the brave one. Always talking him down from the ledge when something went wrong and he blamed himself. She always said what needed to be said. Yeah, he could do that for her in their new life. He could be the brave one and say what needed to be said. What else did he have to lose?

"Do you …?" She whispered it so softly, it was almost inaudible.

"Yeah?"

"D'you think he'll be okay?"

"Rose, I wish I could say I knew. But do you know what I think? I think he knows, even though we're universes apart, it would make you happy if he tried to be happy."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

They stared at each other in silence for a few moments before the Doctor spoke again.

"Can you forgive him, Rose? Not today, maybe not in a month, but eventually? You used to trust me, so trust that the other me thought he was doing what was best for you."

"Yeah, I can. And never, for one second, think I stopped trusting you. Thank you for being here."

"I'm only here if you want me to be."

"I do. I just. I just can't get the image of you – him? – I'm sorry."

"Rose, it's okay."

"The TARDIS disappearing. I can't get it out of my head. How can I miss you when you're sitting right in front of me?"

"I'm truly sorry if I've given you any inclination that you need to figure everything out right now, Rose."

"You've done nothing wrong."

Rose moved herself to the other side of the bed and motioned for the Doctor to lie next to her. He did. She started to trace the familiar lines of his face with her finger tips, and the Doctor let her. Their bodies were a mere six inches apart.

"You have the same memories and the same thoughts."

It was more a statement than a question, but the Doctor didn't take it as such. He was determined to show her that he was the same man and that they could have a life together, if she wanted.

"New, new, _new_ Doctor. I remember when I took your hand and said 'run' in that basement. But, oh, reliving that story is getting a bit old for us isn't it, Rose Tyler? What about when we met Charles Dickens? Or Queen Victoria. You must remember the werewolf and Queen Victoria, Dame Rose. Or Krop Tor! Not the us nearly dying part so much as the hug part afterwards."

Rose gave a small smile.

"I suppose I'll be needing a name in this universe."

"How d'you mean?"

"Well, I can't exactly walk around as 'the man in the suit' can I? Could always go with John Smith, the old standby."

"D'you mean for me too?"

"Unless you want to call me 'the man in the suit?'"

"Could I opt for neither and just call you by your name?"

"Rose, I hardly think you speak Gallifreyan."

"No, I mean, would it be okay if I just called you 'Doctor?'"

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course you can if you want," he said, voice rising in pitch.

For the first time in a long time, Rose giggled.

"I thought because he's in the other universe you might not want to," he whispered.

"I thought because he's in the other universe, you might not want me to."

"I'd love it."

"Me too."

Rose smiled and the Doctor was lost in it. He hadn't seen that smile in far too long and couldn't decide what needed his attention more: the curve of her smile or the sparkle in her eyes. He settled for closing those six inches and holding her as close as he could get her.

"I meant what I said on the beach, you know. I love you."

"I was wrong. You are the Doctor and I still love you."

"I'm glad I could be here for that this time."

"I'm glad you told me this time."

"You should sleep. You've been through enough for one day."

"You'd better be here when I wake up."

"There is nothing in this universe for me that's not right here in this bed."

"And what if I dream about it?"

"Then I'll be right here."

Rose leaned in and kissed the Doctor. It wasn't frantic like their kiss on the beach. It was slow, and full of promise, and frightening, and perfect. After what felt like an eternity, Rose settled her head by the Doctor's chest and fell asleep to the beat of his single heart knowing that maybe they didn't have everything worked out and maybe it wouldn't be easy. But they were the Doctor and Rose Tyler, the Stuff of Legend, together, as it should be.


End file.
